Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
