I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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