We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
