Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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