Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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