Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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