i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
