We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Randomize
