I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
