you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
