Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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