thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
