This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
