i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
