Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
