he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
