so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
