we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
