Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can vaginas get frostbite?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
