Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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