Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We have so much sex to catch up on
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
