If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
