You're my little dorito
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
