If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
