You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
