i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
