She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
