I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
