I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize