Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
