Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
