So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
