Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
