Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she told me i tasted like america
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
