As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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