my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
