so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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