While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
