he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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