But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
