none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
