if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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