i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
