Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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