We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
