Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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