check it out our google latitudes are spooning
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
