i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize