I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
