If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
