All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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