So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
