Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
