this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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