Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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