I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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