I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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