i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
