Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
