So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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