i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize