have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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