absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
