She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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