lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
