No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Couch. On fire.
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