Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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