guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dicks are not precious.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
